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The introvert

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Thunders apart the skies, the rain was raging into my memories. Sad stories of my past were battling within the circus of the mind. I have always walked on a rope with fear of falling, but this time I have lost all consciousness and I was about to fall. There were few hours left until dawn and then I will be sentenced to death. Orange jail uniform was tightening closing down on my body, and I want nothing but the independence, free will to walk out, an open mind to do what I want. But I was a captive within my mind. I was finding ways to break out from the jail, but whenever I tried to dig a hole there was insecurity and lack of confidence that put me again behind the bars. I was counting every second until my body is hanged and my soul runs free because I have lost this fight to my body, a body that never responded me in case of survival, a body that never backed me when I was lacking confidence, a body that perished when I was stuck in a problem. The jailer was recalling my official id: Stayrude2037 to ensure I would be ready at exact 6:00 am for my execution.

37th was my position out of 50 students, until 10th grade, since I was afraid to ask questions from teachers who scolded me. But did I ever try, the answer is no. I was questioning things but not more than I was questioning myself and not more than the consequences of my actions. Am I born to underachieve, that’s what crossed my mind until I lost everything dear to me. I saw people performing on stage, and the awards were handed over to them, never have I ever tried to be on the same stage, because the fear in my mind has consumed my morale and left me clueless. 20th was the time I realised and understood things as compared to those who easily managed to do things as far as their understanding capabilities are concerned. If in this world I was fit to be something was an inmate called “StayRude2037”. By this time, I have forgotten my name, since I would be better remembered at my 30th birthday as inmate “StayRude2037” rather than my name. Stamping me with the failures in life, when I start losing friends at an early age. My jokes made no sense, my personality had no upbeat about it. I merely laughed around someone, I merely had someone to share my tears with. In my thirties, I learn to get failed, but I never got up, the pile of failures has buried my dead body before I was even dead.

Time was getting closer, I was continuously reminded that I had no place to live among beings and I am no character to be granted a happy life on earth and I should be returned to God. So, that a better version of me could be sent to replace my entire being. And the time came, the jailer opened the lock of the cell, asked me to accompany him. He was sure, that I am satisfied with this end but deep down inside but I was not. Since I remember, I was seen as deliberately silent being, who contributed nothing towards society and often called a loner.  The jailed called my code, “StayRude2037” its time, you will be executed exactly at 6:00 am. I was asking my self what was my crime, he kept insisting me to move forward. Then I realised it’s the time to stop this for once and all, I asked him to help me run away. But he said I don’t know the code to the big gate, only you know it. I said you have jailed me; how can I know the code.

 He reminded, no it’s not my jail, I am merely a character in your mind that you have created yourself. Have I been doing this to myself the whole life, have I given this authority to others for judging me for who I am. Have I been jailed within my mind, this whole time and have never the courage to break the shackles and to run away? But, have I been the only one telling my self that I would never achieve my Goals. Yes! This is it, it was me who failed me. Therefore, it can only be me who will free my mind once in for all! By, this time I wore failures on my sleeve and I walked towards the big gate with a big heart, to win, not to lose and to run away leaving behind all the failures in the past. The Big gate in front of me was a large and humungous but it a small code is required to unlock it. I knew the code my whole life, but it was lack of confidence that stopped me to overcome these situations. Every time, the jailer called my id, it reminded me of my failures but it was the code to crack all the happiness I needed. So, I entered, “Stayrude2037” and then came the bright light vanishing all my miseries and burying them to the ground. I shrugged my failures and torn the piece of paper in my pocket that said, “You are an introvert, inmate “Stayrude2037”! So my advice to all of you never gets framed by the opinions of others and what they think of you and your personality. Try to break the shackles, because words like introvert are designed to hold you back down, so stay rude to your problems, not to people around you, stay rude to your miseries and fight them back, love your loved ones and used them as a force, stay rude and fight the bad in the world and be a force to reckon with.

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