Thunders apart the
skies, the rain was raging into my memories. Sad stories of my past were
battling within the circus of the mind. I have always walked on a rope with
fear of falling, but this time I have lost all consciousness and I was about to
fall. There were few hours left until dawn and then I will be sentenced to
death. Orange jail uniform was tightening closing down on my body, and I want
nothing but the independence, free will to walk out, an open mind to do what I
want. But I was a captive within my mind. I was finding ways to break out from
the jail, but whenever I tried to dig a hole there was insecurity and lack of
confidence that put me again behind the bars. I was counting every second until
my body is hanged and my soul runs free because I have lost this fight to my
body, a body that never responded me in case of survival, a body that never
backed me when I was lacking confidence, a body that perished when I was stuck
in a problem. The jailer was recalling my official id: Stayrude2037 to ensure I
would be ready at exact 6:00 am for my execution.
37th was my
position out of 50 students, until 10th grade, since I was afraid to ask
questions from teachers who scolded me. But did I ever try, the answer is no. I
was questioning things but not more than I was questioning myself and not more
than the consequences of my actions. Am I born to underachieve, that’s what
crossed my mind until I lost everything dear to me. I saw people performing on
stage, and the awards were handed over to them, never have I ever tried to be
on the same stage, because the fear in my mind has consumed my morale and left
me clueless. 20th was the time I realised and understood things as compared to
those who easily managed to do things as far as their understanding capabilities
are concerned. If in this world I was fit to be something was an inmate called
“StayRude2037”. By this time, I have forgotten my name, since I would be better
remembered at my 30th birthday as inmate “StayRude2037” rather than my name.
Stamping me with the failures in life, when I start losing friends at an early
age. My jokes made no sense, my personality had no upbeat about it. I merely
laughed around someone, I merely had someone to share my tears with. In my
thirties, I learn to get failed, but I never got up, the pile of failures has
buried my dead body before I was even dead.
Time was getting
closer, I was continuously reminded that I had no place to live among beings
and I am no character to be granted a happy life on earth and I should be returned
to God. So, that a better version of me could be sent to replace my entire
being. And the time came, the jailer opened the lock of the cell, asked me to
accompany him. He was sure, that I am satisfied with this end but deep down
inside but I was not. Since I remember, I was seen as deliberately silent
being, who contributed nothing towards society and often called a loner. The jailed called my code, “StayRude2037” its
time, you will be executed exactly at 6:00 am. I was asking my self what was my
crime, he kept insisting me to move forward. Then I realised it’s the time to
stop this for once and all, I asked him to help me run away. But he said I
don’t know the code to the big gate, only you know it. I said you have jailed
me; how can I know the code.
He reminded, no it’s not my jail, I am merely
a character in your mind that you have created yourself. Have I been doing this
to myself the whole life, have I given this authority to others for judging me
for who I am. Have I been jailed within my mind, this whole time and have never
the courage to break the shackles and to run away? But, have I been the only
one telling my self that I would never achieve my Goals. Yes! This is it, it
was me who failed me. Therefore, it can only be me who will free my mind once
in for all! By, this time I wore failures on my sleeve and I walked towards the
big gate with a big heart, to win, not to lose and to run away leaving behind
all the failures in the past. The Big gate in front of me was a large and
humungous but it a small code is required to unlock it. I knew the code my
whole life, but it was lack of confidence that stopped me to overcome these
situations. Every time, the jailer called my id, it reminded me of my failures
but it was the code to crack all the happiness I needed. So, I entered,
“Stayrude2037” and then came the bright light vanishing all my miseries and
burying them to the ground. I shrugged my failures and torn the piece of paper
in my pocket that said, “You are an introvert, inmate “Stayrude2037”! So my
advice to all of you never gets framed by the opinions of others and what they
think of you and your personality. Try to break the shackles, because words
like introvert are designed to hold you back down, so stay rude to your
problems, not to people around you, stay rude to your miseries and fight them
back, love your loved ones and used them as a force, stay rude and fight the
bad in the world and be a force to reckon with.